Inevitable
by random fanfic writer
Summary: Caitlin is having trouble saying yes to happily ever after with Joey. Craig is there to try and help her sort out her feelings. In the end, which one is right for her?


**_A/N: Probably not the best idea to post stories written on a dare publically, but I kind of like the result. Hope you enjoy._**

It was inevitable. As much as I tried to fight it or deny it I had ceased to be my own person the moment I got involved with Joey. I ceased to be Caitlin Ryan. I was part of some two headed person, some Caitlinjoey blend. I knew that as well as I'd known anything. And I had accepted it, for the most part. But now, with Joey on one knee, I had a choice. From now on, the inevitable was actually just one of many options, my decision, in my hands. But was it what I wanted?

I had spent so much of my life labeling myself as a feminist; it had been a near motto for Lucy and me throughout high school. I was successful at it. I had accomplished so much on my own. I enjoyed living on my own. And I had seen what marriage could do to people if it ended, a little too up close with my parents. But somehow I always found my way back to him.

The proposal wasn't a surprise really. Joey was about as subtle as a jackhammer. His little jokes and hints that he thought were so mysterious and clever had been sending panic waves over me for months, since I finally agreed to move back to Toronto.

'_You need to tell him.'_ What little was left of my conscience whispered. '_Tell him the truth.'_

But how do you tell the man you love you're sleeping with his stepson?

I hadn't meant for it to happen. I had been running to my publisher's for a last hard edit of the Ryan's World book, when I realized I had some how left my work keys at Joey's. It was my third set of keys since I'd been back and in addition to not being able to afford to replace every lock in the building again, I really didn't want to have to admit I'd lost them a fourth time. If the choice was be late and together or on-time without keys, I was just going to have to go back.

I raced up the stairs quickly to Joey's bedroom, looking under discarded clothing and under the bed covers. I grabbed a pair of pants on the floor only to realize they weren't mine, but Joey's. Great.

A small box tumbled from the pants pocket and I bent over to return it to its location. It was small and blue velvet. Only one kind of thing came in a box like this. Sure enough when I opened it, it was perfect. A modest sized diamond set in gold. Simple. The exact thing I would have picked if I had been in charge of picking it myself. Everyone always said Joey and I were perfect for each other. The ring just was one more piece of proof of that. One more step towards my destiny. Completely the opposite of the last time. Perfect when that ring had been flawed. So why was I crying?

I shoved the ring back into the pocket it had fallen from and stumbled out the doorway, keys long forgotten. I rushed down the steps, not really paying attention to where I was going and crashed right into the strong figure opening the door.

"Caitlin?" the voice was deeper than I recognized from before I left. Strong arms steadied me before enveloping me into a giant hug. Craig.

"You're home," I sniffed. Quickly wiping the tears from my eyes, hoping he hadn't seen.

"And you're crying." Too late for that I suppose. "Wasn't quite the homecoming reaction I was expecting." He put his bag down and closed the door, before steering me to the couch.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"He wants to marry me." I couldn't stop the words before they tumbled out. I choked back a giggle – of all the reactions Joey would have expected mind numbing fear induced tears was probably not among them. Maybe it was good that I found the ring after all.

"Joey? That's great!" Craig started to jump off the couch, but then stopped. "It's great, right?"

I couldn't look at him. "It's great," I repeated sadly, turning towards the door. "I'm late," I mumbled, trying to escape.

"No, it's not great. Or you wouldn't be crying?" He stopped me with a hand on my elbow.

"Craig," I sighed.

"Listen, I know that Joey loves you and I know he wants to marry you and that's great for Joey, but if it's not for you, then don't do it."

"Now I'm getting relationship advice from a nineteen year old. Fabulous. How pathetic could I get?" I hadn't realized the word were out loud until he touched my cheek softly and I turned to look at him for the first time.

His eyes were old, older than I had remembered. His year pursuing his dream had cost him, much like it had drained me that first go in Hollywood. His girlfriend, his friends, a lot of his pride and other things that were impossible to put a finger on, but gone none-the-less. So many "no"s in search of that one "yes."

"You're not pathetic. You're perfect. Of course Joey wants to marry you. Who wouldn't?" he whispered.

I can't explain why or how it happened, but the next thing I knew we were tangled on the couch. It was wild and passionate and . . . and . . . and it felt _good_. Joey felt like home. Craig felt like suspense and passion and being young again. He made me feel wanted. Joey made me feel needed. The difference was subtle, but everything.

Over the next few days Craig reminded me of what it felt to be with someone who didn't expect me to be his soulmate, his other half. Who didn't expect anything from me, but was merely grateful for what I could give him. The stolen glances at dinner, the quick escapes to the closet or the garage, anywhere but the bed I shared with Joey.

I knew I should feel wanton and guilty and slightly disgusted with myself but I didn't and I wasn't. It was too innocent. Too pure. For once in my life this was about what I wanted, not about what would help others or the world. And didn't I deserve that? Hadn't I earned someone I could call my own? Someone who would love me on my own merits, not as part of some high school super couple. Someone who saw me as a beautiful, independent adult and not some scared, epileptic teen who couldn't get over her parents betrayal.

We never talked about it, but through Joey I learned that Craig had met someone while in British Columbia, that she was pushing for a future he said he wasn't ready for. Joey suspected he had someone else in mind he couldn't have and I bit my lip. That was the only moment I felt guilty.

Craig never asked me again about why the thought of Joey's proposal had brought me to tears. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when Craig pulled me aside one night as Joey and I were leaving for dinner.

"He's going to ask you tonight."

"What?" Craig's words made sense individually, but together jumbled into nonsense.

"Joey. He's going to ask you to marry him tonight," He explained slowly as if I were child, all the while searching my face for something, I'm not sure what. Panic? Relief? More tears?

"Well, that's that then," I said softly, meaning goodbye.

"That's that?" Craig looked ready to shout, so I gently pulled my arm from his grasp.

"Joey's waiting for me."

And so here we were, older and supposedly wiser than last time, perhaps in different roles. Craig didn't look like a Tessa Campinelli, not that it would matter much in the long run.

"It's not the first time I asked this question. But this time, I plan to keep my promise to be faithful," Joey was whispering. "Please don't make me wait for months. Marry me."

'_You could tell him. You should tell him. You could tell him right now and you'd never have to worry about being a conglomerate again. You could be Caitlin Ryan forever more.'_

But I had been Caitlin Jeremiah in spirit if not fact for years. I knew that telling Joey would destroy him as certainly as it would destroy us. In destroying him, I would destroy myself.

"Yes," I whispered and this time the tears in my eyes were tears of joy and acceptance.

I wish I could say the story ended there and we lived happily ever after from that moment on. Craig said nothing when we came home that night beaming smiles and flashing the ring. He said nothing as we made the excited phone calls to family and friends. He said nothing as we planned the engagement party that was so long overdue.

I watched him carefully that night, hoping he wouldn't ruin the life I had waited and hoped for since I was twelve. Hoping he'd understand without a word why I had needed him and why just as quickly I didn't any more. And in watching him I realized that we had both been using each other.

My one moment of guilt was forgotten as I watched him interact with her. She was the girl I had been in high school. So confident and clear in what was right, so willing to help everyone even if she occasionally blundered it. Same transformation from awkward teenager to beautiful young woman. Craig wasn't pining for me. He was pining for her and saw me as an adult version of the one he thought he couldn't have. It was funny how leaving home could make you realize what you had left behind. And often what you thought you would miss you did without just fine. And things you had never thought of before became your whole world.

So I was completely taken by surprise later when I went to the garage to get another bottle of wine and found him waiting there. I turned back to the house empty handed, but he stopped me.

"So that's it then? Happily ever after." Craig said.

"Craig," I sighed. "It's what I've always wanted."

"Then why were you hysterical when you found that ring? Those weren't tears of joy. Why did you, why did we? Why, Caitlin?" He looked so heartbroken.

"I needed to have one thing in my life not connected to Joey," I whispered by way of explanation.

"Newsflash? His stepson? Still connected," he practically shouted.

I stole a glance at the house but the voices and music appeared to drown out his angry roar.

"Is that what it was to you then? A way to get closer to Joey? Or a way to get back at him?" I asked, knowing that wasn't it.

"No. Of course not," he sat on the couch with a thump as if the realization of what this would do to Joey had _just_ hit him.

"Then why can't I ask you the same thing, Craig? Why were you so willing to ditch the girl on tour? She loves music, she loves the business, she loves you. She's everything you've always wanted." I sat next to him, maybe an inch between us, but it might as well have been a mile.

"But I want more than that! I want passion and drive and a girl that cares more for others than herself! Someone who would stay up all night if it meant protecting one endangered animal! I want you, Em- Caitlin." He stopped confused by what he had almost said and I smiled.

"And she's still out there waiting. Me? I've never done well as a stand in. I'm Joey's world. And I needed you to remind me that he's mine." I stood up, grabbing the bottle of wine as I walked out the door.

I sent Emma on the next wine run, long before the bottle I had brought in was gone. She grumbled but went. She came back half an hour later without a bottle of wine but with mussed hair, big eyes and a large grin, holding hands with Craig.

Joey came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me kissing me on the top of the head as we watched our family and friends celebrate our happiness.

I had wanted someone that was my own. Something to delay the inevitable. In the end, I realized that inevitable just meant it had always been mine.


End file.
